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Trump River: Could the Mississippi Get a New Name?

What if the mighty Mississippi, the lifeblood of America, suddenly became the "Trump River"? Imagine the cascading effect, from the "Trump River Blues" echoing through the "Trump River Delta" to "Trump River Alligators" basking in the sun. This thought experiment, while absurd, exposes the surprising politics and complex history behind how we name the very landscapes that define us, revealing a story that flows deeper than any river itself.

Love this cover artwork? Check out the 5 alternatives above the comment section below.

From the Gulf of America to the “Trump River”

In a notable renaming effort, President Donald Trump has renamed the Gulf of Mexico as the ‘Gulf of America.’ Now, imagine if he turned his attention to the Mississippi River, one of the most iconic rivers in the United States. In this hypothetical scenario, the river would be called the “Trump River.” This change could lead to a series of name changes across various categories. Here’s how the ripple effect might unfold:

Fauna:

Geography:

Culture:

Tourism:

River Mixer Map of Mississippi River Basin
Mississippi River Drainage Basin

Beyond the "Trump River": The Complexities of Naming

The “Trump River,” a name as audacious as its namesake, now empties into the newly christened Gulf of America, a pairing that, depending on your perspective, either symbolizes the pinnacle of national pride or the height of hubris. The confluence of these two “iconic” bodies of water, as some would have it, is touted as a merging of history and progress, a potent symbol of national unity and resilience. But beneath the veneer of this carefully crafted narrative, the reality of how we name our geographical features is far less grandiose and considerably more complex.

Indigenous Origins: The First Namers

Long before European colonization, Native American tribes inhabited the lands and named the rivers, often reflecting the river’s characteristics, its significance to their lives, or associated traditions. These names frequently described physical attributes (e.g., “swift-flowing water,” “big river”) or held cultural and spiritual importance. The Mississippi River, for example, derives its name from the Ojibwe misi-ziibi, meaning “great river” or “big river.” The Potomac River originates from the Algonquian Patawomeck, referring to a village near present-day Potomac Creek. Many river names used today are derived from indigenous languages, either adopted directly or adapted by European settlers, demonstrating the enduring influence of Native American cultures on the naming of geographic features.

European Exploration and Colonization: New Names, New Claims

With the arrival of European explorers came a wave of renaming. Rivers were often rechristened to reflect European cultures, monarchs, or notable figures. The Hudson River, for example, is named after Henry Hudson, an English explorer sailing for the Dutch. Sometimes, European settlers would adapt indigenous names into their own languages or create translations. The Platte River, for instance, is derived from the French “Rivière Plate” (“flat river”), which was a translation of the indigenous name.

Evolving Naming Practices: A Shift Over Time

Over time, naming practices evolved. Sometimes, names changed as different groups interacted with the river or as new settlements arose. Rivers might be named after historical figures, important events, or even local landmarks. This helped to establish a sense of place and commemorate significant moments in a region’s history.

The Role of the BGN: Standardization and Consistency

While the Board on Geographic Names (BGN) is the modern authority on naming, its role is primarily to standardize and maintain consistency in river names, rather than to originally assign them. They often rely on historical records and research to determine the most appropriate and established name for a river.

River Mixer Theodore on the River of Doubt in Brazil
President Theodore Roosevelt on the Future Roosevelt River in Brazil

Presidential Waters: Rivers Bearing Presidential Names

Two rivers in the United States, and one in Brazil, are named after past US presidents. While other examples may exist, the following have been readily verified.

  1. Jefferson River (Montana): Named after Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States, it is one of the three forks of the Missouri River and considered the starting point of the Missouri River proper. It flows for approximately 153 miles through southwestern Montana.

  2. Madison River (Montana and Wyoming): Also named after James Madison, the fourth President of the United States, it is another major tributary of the Missouri River. It originates in Yellowstone National Park and flows northward for about 183 miles through Wyoming and Montana.

  3. Roosevelt River (Brazil): Named after Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th President of the United States, it is a tributary of the Aripuanã River in the Amazon basin. The river was originally called the Rio da Dúvida (River of Doubt) but was renamed in honor of Roosevelt after his expedition in 1914.

A Message to President Trump

Mr. President, I hope this blog ignites the spark for a future name change, leading to a renewed national conversation about rivers, their conservation, and our rich heritage. Renaming the Mississippi as the “Trump River” may sound audacious, but the potential impact on our cultural identity and environmental consciousness could be profound. Even if “Trump River” never graces our maps, perhaps we can still anticipate a “Life on the Trump” book tour, or catch the “Trump River Queen” in concert, serenading the newly dubbed “Trump Delta.” Let’s transform our waterways, making waves and not just ripples.

May this idea flow into the minds of many and foster a deeper appreciation for the natural wonders that define our nation. Thank you for considering this whimsical yet meaningful proposition.

Keep them clean!

And so, we’ve explored the fascinating world of river nomenclature, from ancient origins to the admittedly whimsical example of the “Trump River.” While the naming conventions may vary, the underlying importance of these vital waterways remains constant. Whether a river bears a storied historical name or, hypothetically, the moniker of a contemporary individual, our responsibility to protect these ecosystems is paramount. Clean water is essential for both human and environmental health. Let us strive to ensure that all rivers, regardless of their names, remain healthy and vibrant for generations to come. The legacy we leave for these natural resources will far outlive any fleeting personal association.

F.A.Q.

The Mississippi River’s name is derived from the Ojibwe word “misi-ziibi,” meaning “great river” or “big river.”

Native American tribes named rivers based on their characteristics, significance to their lives, or associated traditions, often reflecting physical attributes or cultural and spiritual importance.

European explorers often rechristened rivers to reflect their own cultures, monarchs, or notable figures, sometimes adapting indigenous names or creating translations.

Examples include the Jefferson River in Montana, named after Thomas Jefferson, and the Madison River in Montana and Wyoming, named after James Madison.

The Roosevelt River, named after Theodore Roosevelt, is a tributary of the Aripuanã River in the Amazon basin. It was originally called the Rio da Dúvida (River of Doubt) but was renamed in honor of Roosevelt after his expedition in 1914.

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Editor's note

This blog post uses publicly available information from various sources, synthesized with the help of AI, as a starting point for exploring the world of rivers. Our editors review the content for accuracy, though we encourage readers to verify information intended for primary source use. We strive to use public domain, licensed, or AI-generated images; due to the nature of online sharing, individual image sources are generally not credited. Please contact us regarding any copyright concerns.

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